It’s important to label the genre that ’50 Shades of Grey’ is: Soft-core porn targeted for the female market edited down to achieve an ‘R’ rating. In principle, I have nothing against this. In fact, in higher principle, I highly encourage it, but this is so badly written, even for a full fledged pornographic film. In fairness, I thought the film was better than the book, but I found the book to be low even by Harlequin Romance standards. The sheer level of cheesiness and eye-rolling that permeates throughout this movie subtracts from any erotica it was trying to achieve. It doesn’t succeed as a thriller, a love story, or even as an introduction to bondage. This film fails at all levels. Even the groups of women who went to see this for a ‘ladies night out’, could be heard muttering “That was horrible” as they left the theatre. This is one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time.
I don’t want to spend an entire review berating a film, but I am having a hard time finding some redeeming value. At its’ core, the leads were completely miscast. Dakota Johnson (daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith), plays the virginal Anastasia Steele (yes that is the character’s name)who is led down the path of S&M and bondage by the mysterious young self-made billionaire (they aren’t all as nerdy as Mark Zuckerberg), Christian Grey (played by Irish model Jamie Dornan). The chemistry and acting were as wooden as you would expect from a Calvin Klein model and a new actress. Jamie Dornan was putting on his best American accent, but his Irish brogue slipped through often.
The entire time I was watching this, I felt this film was trying to replicate the classic ‘9 1/2 Weeks’ starring Mickey Rourke and Kim Bassinger. ‘9 1/2 Weeks’ was truly a film that pushed sexual boundaries and challenged sexual mores while being beautifully acted and well written. If only ’50 Shades of Grey’ was even a shadow of that (there is a pun there with ‘shadow’ and ’50 Shades’, but it escapes me at the moment). It demonstrates that this genre can be done and be done effectively and artistically in the right hands. ’50 Shades’ achieved none of that.
I know there was supposed to be a storyline, but it was lost on me as one ‘shocking’ scene leads to another. I could tell when dialogue or scenes were meant to be shocking and provocative, but I found the execution rather dull. Much like ‘9 1/2 Weeks’, the story follows the protagonist as she descends into a darkly sexual world until she realizes the harm that it is causing her. I found Anastasia’s realization of her peril to come almost out of nowhere and her dismay at what she was participating in to be rather contrived. There was no true exploration of the characters or what motivated them.
I realize the popularity of this book and the global phenomenon that it has become. I’ll be the first to say, having tried to read the book, that I don’t get it, so I am probably not the best qualified to critique this movie. That being said, I am an avid movie fan and there are infinitely better ways to spend your movie dollar. If you are just looking for porn, then try the internet. If you are looking for a great movie, then most of the Oscar movies are still out there. I recommend any one of them. Or better yet, stay home and catch up on something else you’ve been meaning to do.
I give this movie 1/2*
(I think the lowest I’ve ever given, but my next review is ‘Jupiter Ascending’, so just wait)
