I so wanted ‘The Lone Ranger’ to be good. I was skeptical when I saw the trailers, but the movie disappointed even more than I expected. I want to know which movie execs watched this and said: ‘Yea! that’s what we want to release’. This is a painful 2 1/2 robbery of time out of my life. This is an overblown film that couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be a comedy or action film. I don’t blame the actors as there is a lot of talent in this film and given the right direction, there could have been a lot of great performances. This movie was painful from start to finish. It was a gamble to begin with as there are few people under the age of 45 who were clamoring to have this movie made. They could have done something great and re-introduced an American legend to a new generation. The opportunity was squandered
Let me start off speaking politically, which is something I rarely do. For people who know me, I am extremely liberal on some things and conservative on others. I must confess that I am getting fatigued by Hollywood’s insistence at portraying all W.A.S.Ps as evil, bumbling, misguided idiots and every other ethnic group as suffering, noble, and oppressed. I find this very racist as it portrays a homogenous and non diverse view of all people. Good and evil can be found in all shape, sizes, and colors (and sexual preferences). To deny this shows a lack of character on the writer’s (and Director’s) part and denial based on racial and political perceptions. This movie has several scenes mocking Protestant spirituality while glorifying Indian and Chinese spirituality. Whether you believe or not, all are worthy of one’s respect. To continually wallow in self criticism and mockery is an exercise in guilt and self hatred. The political portion of the review is over.
The team that brought us ‘The Pirates of the Caribbean’ tried to recreate the same magic with this horrible film. It is a revisionist, apologetic re-telling of the famous radio show of the 30’s that later became a beloved iconic show of the 50’s. The Lone Ranger actually pre-dates Superman going as far back as 1933. One could argue that he was the first superhero. He was always portrayed as strong, confident, and despite what Hollywood thinks, egalitarian. This version portrays the Lone Ranger (Armie Hammer) as a bumbling, ‘fish out of water’, eastern dandy, whom Tonto (Johnny Depp doing his ‘Captain Jack Sparrow playing Tonto’) must constantly put up with. I loved the new Tonto look and Depp does a fantastic Jay Silverheels (the original Tonto) impression. The problem is that the director went too much for the comedic and did not focus on the friendship.
The story is basically the same as previous incarnations; a group of 7 Rangers set out after the evil Butch Cavendish gang. They are ambushed and only John Reid survives. He makes a mask from his slain brother’s vest and sets out for justice with the aid of Tonto, his spiritual guide. William Fitchner is almost unrecognizable as the Butch Cavendish. You may not know William Fitchner’s name, but you know the face. He is probably one of the best and most consistent utility actors out there. He shows some great acting skills in this and was one of the few highlights of the film for me.
I was hoping to see some sort of transformation of John Reid into the legendary Lone Ranger, but they couldn’t let go of the bumbling fool with teeth-way-too-white for the time period angle. The Lone Ranger was played as the consummate buffoon trying to be Dudley-Do-Right. The Director was more concerned about making political anti-gun statements than trying to capture the essence of the legendary lawman. Jokes were cracked often and frequently inappropriately (one traumatic mass slaughter scene had some sardonic quips between Tonto and the Lone Ranger that were offensive given what just occurred). Most of the bad guys were generic evil and the pyrotechnics seemed out of place given the time period.
Helena Bohnam Carter was just weird as the local Madame Red Harrington. It seemed like no one told her that she wasn’t in one of her husband Tim Burton’s films. The whorehouse scene seemed like a cross between every Tim Burton film and Moulin Rouge. The joke of The Lone Ranger and Tonto playing health inspectors fell flat (did they even have those back then?). Tom Wilkinson (another of my favorite utility actors) was wasted as the evil railroad Baron. Ruth Wilson played the long lost love Rebecca Reid uninspirationally.
There are a myriad of issues I have with his film. Only a few of which I have listed. I suppose my biggest issue was just the total and utter lack of chemistry between The Lone Ranger and Tonto. It was a legendary friendship and bond that inspired almost every other big screen and pulp fiction camaraderie that followed from Batman and Robin to Captain Kirk and Mr Spock.
If you are in the mood for another Hollywood revisionist mockery of iconic American stories, then go for it. Judging from the box office take this weekend, it looks like I’m not the only one who is growing tired of it. This is a film that had all the parts to be great and it was squandered in the attempt to create a big box office repeat of Pirates of the Caribbean. I mourn the 2 1/2 hours I have lost from my life.
I give this zero stars
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